Where’s the straight Pride? It’s not fair.

“Where’s the straight Pride? Why do the gays get a special day to themselves? It’s not fair.”

If I had a pound for every time I was asked that question, well, I’d have quite a few pounds.

Straight Pride is being able to walk down the street holding hands with your other half without being catcalled by groups of teenage boys hanging around on a street corner.

Straight Pride is being able to walk into a club or a bar without someone threatening you, without men putting protective arms around the women they are with and glaring at you. (Because gay women fancy ALL women, don’t you know? Especially the ones with large, insecure boyfriends attached. Challenge, innit.)

Straight Pride is being able to tick the ‘straight’ box on an equality and diversity monitoring form at work without wondering who might actually read it, and what their views might be about your sexuality.

Straight Pride is being able to kiss who you want to kiss, wherever you are, without self consciousness or a quick furtive glance around you afterwards to see who might have been looking.

Straight Pride is being able to exchange rings and vow and make a lifelong commitment without having to kowtow to an almost second-class, businesslike ‘partnership’, when what you actually want is a ‘marriage’.

Straight Pride is when your dad is awarded an MBE, meaning you can get married in St Paul’s or Westminster Abbey… But you can’t take advantage of that, because they won’t let you marry a woman in there.

Straight Pride is where strangers don’t ask you whether you’re ‘straight’ – because your sex life isn’t their business.

Straight Pride is being able to say ‘no’ to a man without being told ‘I could turn you’ – as though your sexuality is completely malleable, silly you, for thinking that you couldn’t change it.

Straight Pride means being able to live your life without fear of bullying, harrassment, and rejection.

Straight Pride is not having to come out to friends, family, colleagues and strangers, over and over again.

Straight Pride is not having to lie through your teeth about your love life because it’s easier than telling the truth.

Straight Pride is never having to worry if your son will be bullied at school because his mum is gay.

Straight Pride is never having to suck it up when your straight female work colleagues organise weekends out clubbing over your head and in your earshot – but don’t invite you because they’re not sure “where your sort hang out”.

Straight Pride is not having to walk through a crowd of jeering protesters with banners saying GOD HATES FAGS and men and women shouting in your face – in order to attend a Stonewall conference.

Straight Pride was never uninvited to a wedding for wanting to take their partner.

Nobody was ever kicked to death for looking a bit straight, or correctively raped for falling in love with someone of the opposite gender.

I was assaulted in a bar in Southend a few years ago. I had my hair cropped in a buzz cut. If there’s anything ironic about the situation, it was that I was mistaken for a gay man. Apparently, to the drunk fellow skinhead standing to my right as I entered the bar, that was all the justification he needed to shove me, punch me, and tell me that “faggots aren’t f***ing welcome here.”

I’ve been told I’m “too pretty to be gay”, perpetuating the damaging and insulting myths that all gay women are those bottom-of-the-heap rejects that are only gay out of choice because “no man wanted them”.

Straight Pride is taken for granted every single day. It’s invisible, unshocking, quietly permeating everyday norms.

It’s straight pride and straight privilege that asks the belligerent question, Why do the gays get their own special march?

I’m thankful that, due to tireless campaigning and a gradual shift in attitudes, I am growing up in a generation where I CAN hold hands with a woman in public, cut my hair short, and come out to thousands of people as quickly as I can hit a ‘Publish’ button.

To bastardise the Martin Luther King quote, I have a dream that one day a man will be judged not by who he falls in love with, but by the content of his character.

I’ve done the keeping up appearances thing, had close male friends I take to events because I don’t want to upstage the bride or “cause a scene”.

This wasn’t supposed to be an ‘outing’ post – but I’m tired of suppressing a smile when a journalist asks if I have a boyfriend. And if I lose fans and readers by unceremoniously strolling out of my closet, then so be it. It was going to all come out one day anyway, so to speak.

And with the short shaggy haircut, the sleeve tattoos, the Magnum walking boots, the thumb ring, and the consistent lack of a boyfriend – I’m not exactly a stereotype, but I’m girl called Jack, for crying out loud. A gay one, and a proud one.

Happy Pride day everyone. Please continue to enjoy your Straight Pride for the other 364 days this year, but this one’s for us.

Jack Monroe. Twitter: @MsJackMonroe

Categories: Blog


    • Well said Jack! And I should hope with changing attitudes your son will have an easier time at school! I’m a girl but my mum is gay and I can’t say it was easy at secondary school, people can be cruel. Happy pride day 🙂

    • I don’t normally post here (frankly, I’m in it for the recipes), but I had a lump in my throat all through reading this. You are lovely.
      Syreeta x

    • This article brought me to tears, you’re so inspirational. I’m 19 and have met the love of my life, a girl of my age. It was difficult for me to come to terms with, and although I am lucky enough to have friends and family who have supported me, not everybody does. I do still feel conscious of how I behave in public, and I’m due to start university soon and I’m nervous about having to come out 1000+ times, losing my identity and just being known as ‘the lesbian one’. This blog is not only fantastically written, useful, funny but also very important. I hope this works to catalyse the changes that our society so desperately needs.

  1. Good for you saying what you feel and being proud. My daughter and her partener are both in London for Gay Pride. The are having a Civil cermony in September and can’t wait for my future daughter in law to be a real part of my family.

  2. This blog entry needs to be in every paper, every day, until people finally get it! Well said.

    • It’s hard to imagine how hard it is to be gay when you’re not gay your self. My daughter took councelling before she was able to tell us. And it has made no difference to how we feel about her, If she is happy that is all that counts.

  3. Well said Jack! I have so much admiration for you and I for one do not care if you are gay or straight. I am so glad that you have the strength to be YOU. I have a number of very close friends who are gay and I have watched them struggle through so many hardships because of who they are. Sending you big hugs xxx

  4. very well said!
    you have raised points that, as a straight woman, i have never even considered!
    I am more of a fan than i was before
    thank you

      • Sorry about the GOD HATES FAGS thing, I am a dyed-in-the-wool Christian and abhor those idiots as much as you do! Where is the love and compassion in that I wonder? However, just as gay people are all individuals so are (most) Christians! Keep writing about poverty too because there needs to be someone out there being radically and refreshingly honest, nothing more and nothing less, just honest.

  5. I’m having trouble putting into words exactly how I want to respond to this post, but know that it is overwhelmingly positive. Although it’s a bit weird to me that people still have to come out in order not to be assumed straight, good for you for doing so in this public setting. Getting questioned about a potential boyfriend sounds incredibly frustrating. As well a some of the responses you’ve gotten.. I’m appalled that people have told you that you’re too pretty to be gay! That is absolutely bizzarre..

    I’ve never understood the ignorance of people who argue the importance of ‘straight pride’. Even as a straight women, I felt nothing but overwhelming joy and inspiration looking at the pride parade today.

  6. Yep, another one here who is more of a fan than before. As mum to a gay man I am well aware of the simple things my son cannot do that his brothers do without thought.

    Keep saying it like it is.

    • “Even more of a fan than before” – yep, that about covers it! Thank you, Jack, for this post, and thank you for all the other posts before that one, too. I’m French, and I was horrified and disgusted to see my own country fall prey to such a landslide of moronic hate when gay marriage was finally voted. My gay friends are shaken and depressed; they’ve had to live with hate, hate, hate and more hate, everywhere, over the last few months. Even though it wasn’t directed at them personally, it was just this huge wave of blackness that they’ve had to live through and still believe in mankind if they can. When you’re straight, you never have to live with that.

    • “Even more of a fan than before” – yep, that about covers it! Thank you, Jack, for this post, and thank you for all the other posts before that one, too. I’m French, and I was horrified and disgusted to see my own country fall prey to such a landslide of moronic hate when gay marriage was finally voted. My gay friends are shaken and depressed; they’ve had to live with hate, hate, hate and more hate, everywhere, over the last few months. Even though it wasn’t directed at them personally, it was just this huge wave of blackness that they’ve had to live through and still believe in mankind if they can. When you’re straight, you never have to live with that.

  7. Good for you Jack no-one should have to hide their preferences & hopefully one day people will let everyone live how ever they want to with whoever they want to without fear & i for one will continue to read your funny heart warming blog

  8. Very well said!

    And according to my fellow gays next door – gay pride is about being able to have a shouting match in the hallway about the end of their relationship just like any straight folk 🙂

    And now, we can all move to America if we want! I could well be reading from a far after wednesday’s DOMA decision.

    Stroll away my friend, stroll away!

  9. aww, bless you Jack…as if any of your fans would be bothered, be happy love, nobodys business but yours and Im sorry if in this day and age you get still get grief about it.

  10. Happy pride day Jack. I love your blog, your campaigning, your recipes and your attitude, Your sexuality is completely irrelevant. If you lose any”fans”then they were not worth having.

    • I cannot believe sometimes that in this day and age that community cannot accept gay relationships why does society feel the need to pass judgement. As is said though the people who do pass judgement on this type of thing it says more about them as a person than it does about the person being judged. Live and let live equally I say. x

  11. Actually I think it is just about pride… No matter if you are gay, straight or undecided. Being proud of who you are no matter what your sexuality is. And as to what other people think, well it is none of their business, as long as you are happy and hurt no-one else, I don’t think you could ask for anything more. And if you have achieved that, then yes you can be very proud indeed.

  12. Another well written piece straight from the heart! “never judge a book by it’s cover” comes to mind.
    Poverty and hunger don’t care what “gender” you are it just comes to visit and stay awhile!
    Still a fan, looking forward to the next piece.
    Keep on fighting the good fight jack.

  13. A very well written and thought provoking piece. It is my dream that someday such words will no longer need to be written because gay/straight will no longer be an issue to be raised. You are a wonderful person no matter what your nationality, gender, religion, skin tone or sexual preference. We just need to let people be people. Give you son a hug and let us hope that by the time he is grown this will no longer be an issue.

  14. Jack you’ve raised some great points as usual about things so many of us may never have experienced thankfully but keep raising them and im sure more people will listen x

  15. This! I was trying to explain white privilege to someone the other day to someone who equally thought I was talking a load of rollocks and simply didn’t get it.

    They then proceeded with the ‘I’m not racist but’ like and I knew it was pointless to continue *rolls eyes*

    Same thing, really.

    Personally it baffles me why it should concern anyone what anyone else gets up to in private with another consenting adult. Who cares?

  16. Actually women – gay or straight – still get asked a lot of impertinent questions which the average guy doesn’t have to field. It’s not that long ago that I got asked whether I intended to have kids or not at a job interview (for a drudge job, not chairwoman of Ewing Oil or anything). Now, I’d just shout ‘mind your own damn business!’ and walk out. But I was polite in those days :-)) . And desperate for a job.

  17. So, so true. And, you know something ? Any “fans” lost…. You’re far better off without. x

  18. Good for you, Jack! No one should have to hide who they are. Period. I’m here for the long haul. Happy Pride Day. Ann

  19. Well said 🙂 I admire you so much, I found out last week that my teenage son is gay, and I feel so much pride and admiration for him and don’t see him any differently, I just worry that everything may be so much harder for him, I think that you are amazing and a true inspiration to me 🙂

  20. I read your posts religiously, and am gay myself. Never ever be ashamed of who you are Jack! You’re amazing and can inspire so many women in everything you do.

  21. Hi Jack.

    I have to say tsingle hat every one of your posts seems to be better than the previous one. This one was no exception. More power to your elbow from one of your biggest fans down under.


  22. What a great post jack, one of many fantastic and thought provoking posts you have written. Best wishes , you are an inspiration to many.

  23. HURRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! With love & blessings from a long time single mum blessed recently with a loving partner – I happen to be straight, my son happens to be gay, you happen to have had enough – I celebrate your honesty – everything has changed and nothing has changed. Hope your boy’s arm improving.

  24. When I first read about you and SB in the Telegraph I was impressed by your bottle, your fierce determination to overcome and climb above the crap life was dishing out to at the time. I wrote and told you that if you were my daughter I would be proud to be your dad.
    I have just read your gay/straight blog entry.

    Jack, if you were my daughter, I would be proud to be your dad.

    • Beautiful response Rod to a beautifully written piece. Jack, you are an inspiration. Couldn’t care less who you want to kiss in public, it’s a shame that anyone else does care. You are a strong, passionate, articulate woman who challenges many ill conceived opinions held sadly held by many people. I hope your blog continues to gain followers. Whether its about being gay or living through difficult financial situations, please continue to share your life and thoughts with us, your voice gives hope and reason in an oft unjust world. x

  25. I think you are gutsy, you are beautiful, and you are gay.

    All three are big positives in my opinion.

  26. As always, you have written very eloquently. I hope that it helps people to gain a greater insight into the difficulties gay people face.

  27. Another great post Jack. As I was reading it, it gradually dawned on me that you were talking about yourself. My best friend is a gay man, and through him, I have many other gay friends, all men. Although over the past few months, I have met a gay woman at my local WI who I clicked with straight away, I think she will be one of those friends that I have a long time. Anyway, what I was going to say was that because most gay people I know are men, I am much more familiar with the stuff that they encounter, and much less so with the female side.
    As a straight woman, if I am not interested in a mans advances, I get called a gay (not as polite a term as that of course) , because it couldn’t possibly be that I didn’t fancy him, or that I have been with my present partner for over three decades.
    As for your sleeve tattoos and boots, as someone who grew up in the era when it was seriously debated if women could read the news without their clothes and hair distracting the viewers (now there’s a soap box I still climb up on sometimes, and no, I don’t wear dungarees ) one of the things I really really like about life now is that you can more or less wear and be whatever the hell you like. I wouldn’t have dared assume you were gay because of how you dress.
    Brave post and to hell with any lost readers

  28. Is wearing a thumb ring a stereotypical gay thing then? Yeah I’m gay, but I started wearing one because Christina Ricci wore one in the movie ‘Casper’ 🙂 i got it for my 16th birthday.

    To be honest, I’d thought you’d chosen not to discuss it because it’s not really relevant to your food & political blogging, but its great that you did discuss it with such a fantastic post.

    hard to believe the days of Ellen Degeneres losing her career over coming out really werent that long ago.

  29. I didn’t realise it was Pride day today, oops… I could be fatuous and say that it’s Pride day every day in my life, but in reality I hate hate hate hate coming out, over and over again, and each time it gets a little more tedious. I also live in constant fear of getting a negative reaction. So far I’ve been incredibly fortunate, but I know the fear isn’t irrational due to all the things you’ve listed, and many more. Thank you for saying them. Hopefully some day they won’t need to be said.

    • i can relate to this. i’ve never had a bad reaction, but sometimes it’s just a bore. its easier when i’m with someone at the time, but seeing as i wasnt when i started my latest job, i’ve never bothered – 6 years later – ive still not done it (even tho i am with someone now) & just cant be bothered to explain the last 6 years if i did. i know plenty of people ask people that i work in my office with – but no one ever asks *me*!

  30. Hi Jack hope you’re celebrating tonight, and you have joy and love in your life now, and to come.

  31. Another great post. Loving the variety this week, with your SB at A&E post. Your writing is fantastic, you make me think, you make me smile, laugh and cry. Keep them coming. And as others have said, this can only lose you followers you don’t want.

    You might like these great clips from New Zealand’s parliament when they changed the marriage law earlier in the year. If you’ve missed this, it’s pretty good …

    And this one’s pretty good too:

    The best thing about the first one is that this is what a traditional CONSERVATIVE MP in New Zealand has to say. Just sent it to a friend in the US this week after he commented on the Supreme Court’s decisions this week, adding that right wing / republicans in USA just don’t make sense to kiwis.

    • right wing/republican views dont make sense to many people outside of the US! it’s all just crazy! From the Wendy Davies(or is it davis) stuff – to all the rest of the crazy crazy people and opinions that come from the republican party – it scares you how much power these people have. Religion has so much to answer for when it’s used in such hateful and disrespectful ways – i thought part of the independance and civil war histroy of america was about *seperating* church and state – that def has never happened! say what you want about whatever government is in power in the UK, but at least religion is rarely used in such a heavy weight fashion. it frustrates me so much. I spent ages 5-18 in the girls bridgade – with religious teachings twice a week – and i did not take from it these kind of behaviours – i attribute my standards and morals from my time there & i know the bible did not teach this kind of hatred and intolerance. I do not continue to follow the teachings since i left, as i knew they were not for me, but are proof that the church *can* do good, when not twisted by such people.

      /end of rant!

      Thanks for reposting the NZ stuff – I fell in love with NZ in 2010 when i visited for my 30th birthday – & this is just one example of why i think the country is so amazing. i posted it on fb and my girlfriends mum (who is american) said exactly the same – “can you imagine getting this kind of reaction in american??!” – i don’t think it would ever happen but i would LOVE to move to NZ. as my girlfriend is american i think i’d more likely be moving there…. to face the wrath of the right wing :-/ – just watching a show about the orcas of NZ!

    • Hahaha – that first one had me laughing out loud. Talk about putting those ridiculous comments into context!

  32. Liked you before – like you more now – was wondering if you were already out – those of us with gay kids probably all “knew” anyhow. Another great role model of gender/sexuality being irrelevant is always a good thing

  33. wonderful as always – being gay makes no difference at all. we love you for who you are xxx

  34. haha Nice one Jack 😀 damn brave too, but then a lot of us knew already without you saying a word that tends to be the way when your gay, your such a fantastic role model and as already said a fabulous writer, you make us laugh, cry and cheer, thank you Jack for making me smile no… grin like a Cheshire cat xx

    • ha yeah – pretty much everyone i’ve ‘told’ has been like “yeah, we figured as much, cup of tea?”

  35. Well said Jack. As a straight woman I must admit I haven’t really even considered the challenges that gay men and women face in their day-to-day lives. Thankyou for opening my eyes, and congratulations on coming out in such an eloquent and beautiful way.
    I follow you because you’re an inspiration to me. My small boy is 3 and sometimes life’s little challenges get me down (which is really stupid as I’ve never really seen much hardship in my life). Your story is an eye opener for me and I admire your courage and attitude and zest for life. Gay or straight, it doesn’t make a difference to me.
    All the best xx

  36. Jack – best expression of righteous gay anger I’ve read since Harvey Fierstein’s classic “queers don’t love and those who do get what they deserve…” monologue all those years ago in the 80s. Even thinking about those words makes me well slightly after all this time. I’m not at all sure that sexuality and gender are irrelevant – I think they’ll continue to be relevant until the violence, prejudice and hate disappear. Pride to me is sometimes about a show of strength, of joy & love and of alliances, as well as a “stuff you” to the haters. Mark.x.

  37. Do people really care about all this still? I thought we got it all sorted out in the 70s … that’s when the law changed. We celebrated. We said: Wow. Now people can love whoever they like – no hiding any more. (Not that it was ever illegal to be a lesbian)

    So much for the 70s.

    Your sexuality is nobody’s business but your own.

    The judgement of others is their problem, not yours.

    • That’s just the point. Once it becomes their problem, then they will do whatever it takes so it won’t be a problem. Children have been thrown out of their homes. People can get you fired. You can also be assaulted. Your child may be taken away from you. We have to fight for the right not to suffer any of these indignities. The best tool we have is education and one day I hope we won’t have the need for even that.

      • My generation already fought for it, Mow – and won. And, like feminism, sometimes it feels like that whole cultural transformation never happened … and the next generation is fighting that battle all over again.

        In my generation, there were a great many feminists who believed one couldn’t actually be a “real” feminist unless one *was* a lesbian.

        People make judgements all the time, about all kinds of things. It really does say more about them than about the object of their judgement.

        There will always be intolerance – you only have to look at the rise of UKIP to see that. My point is that how we react – or don’t! – to other people’s judgement and the consequences of it, says a great deal about who *we* are. I don’t think anyone’s sexuality is anyone’s business. I look forward to the day when *no_one* feels they have to make a big thing of it.

  38. Excellent piece, very well written. But how sad that in today’s world, it had to be written at all. One day, there will be no need for blogs like this . . . but until then, more power to you.

  39. You tell em! You are a wonderful person and a great mom to your child. That is what matters….

  40. Great article Jack – deserves to be in the national press every Gay Pride Day. Deserves to be discussed in schools, where so many kids are persecuted or learn to persecute others. I have plenty of gay friends and colleagues, but none has ever set out the points you make so eloquently. As another comment said, it took me a while to realise you were writing about yourself. It hadn’t occurred to me, but then why would it? Good for you – be open and proud about who you are, and those questions from journalists can be answered in a matter-of-fact and pleasant way like any other question they ask you. The more people are open, the better it is for everyone, especially teenagers coming to terms with their sexuality and looking for role models to identify with. By being open and matter-of-fact about it whenever the question is raised in interviews, you are helping them enormously.

  41. well said – im not gay but have gay freinds so how people can be think its awful in this day and age xxx

  42. Go Jack, well said! But really, it shouldn’t be necessary as it’s no one else’s business.

    My Dad came out a couple of years ago (well into his 50’s) and to be honest I think he was expecting more drama when he broke the news to his children. One of my sisters summed it up quite well for me when she said ‘that we really don’t want to know anything about his sex life, the gender of the other party is irrelevant”

    SB will be just fine, after all he’s got a good Mum looking after him and that is all that matters.


  43. Love reading your posts, don’t care if you are gay or straight. The people who do probably think the world is still flat!!

  44. So I eagerly started in on the latest from a Girl Called Jack, certain I was about to be delighted and uplifted as always. Was I ever! Reading along, a smile spread across my face as I realized where you were headed. I am so pleased!! Thank you.

  45. Amazing at pinching those pennies, showing yerself to be vulnerable, feisty AND a wonderful mum, and NOW you launch yourself out of the closet, no apologies! Damn you almost perfect woman! I totally love you! X,

  46. Great post. I have several female friends in same sex relationships and I know they still struggle, even in this day and age. I can’t see what the issue is – what difference does it make to the rest of the world if you wake up next to a man or a woman? Well done for having the strength to just be honest. You and SB have a lovely relationship and you will always do your best for him. That’s all that matters.

  47. Naturally, all the above. Have DIVA called? And if they do, will you do an interview?

  48. (((HUGGS))) I hope you find this makes no difference to those who follow your blog. I think the majority of people will not be bothered, its just that those who are tend to shout louder. Wishing you & SB all the very best :)x

  49. My daughter is married to a woman (civil partnership) and she is also pretty, and so is her wife!
    She had terrible trouble matching up her life with a woman with her life as a granddaughter especially and couldn’t even tell her grandparents.
    I have more for your list –
    Straight pride is never being asked ‘which one is the man?’ (my daughter in law replies ‘that’s like asking which chopstick is the fork’).
    Straight pride is not being made to leave your classroom constantly by your church school headmistress because she doesn’t approve of you and your emerging identity.

  50. A beautifully written post Jack, well said indeed. So sorry there are such truly horrible people out there. In this space you have many friends though I think. I am wishing you much happiness.

  51. Jack your my 2nd daughter. I have admired you from afar and have a (gay) gasp .. No not really daughter. Who is not much younger than You and you remind me lot of her actually but I admire your chutzpah and I am very proud of you.. Well spoken

  52. Great post Jack, but very sad that after all this time it still has to be said. Be happy girl!

  53. This post was shared on Facebook and initially I thought it was created by someone stupid enough to demand “straight pride”. I got myself ready to read the article and just go all out on the author with in mind that it would be the thing you are writing against. I’m glad to see you wrote exactly what I was planning to say in the case of it being what I initially though.

  54. Oh Jack,

    I’m sorry you’ve ever had to put up with any of that kind of ignorance and abuse. You are an inspirational and brave woman.

    I’m always shocked, as a straight woman, by how many people even care and think about the sexuality of another – it has no bearing on anyone else’s life, and I think it’s arrogance and selfishness as much as ignorance that causes hatred.

    Jess 🙂

  55. What a wonderful, brave post Jack. The bit about the MBE really struck me, I had no idea that was the case! I wasn’t sure if that was a general or personal statement, but if your father has an MBE then here’s hoping that when you find someone to spend your life with there may be enough acceptance to afford you being able to make use of that (as much of a pipe dream I realise that is, acceptance in the church…).

    Also thank you to the person who posted the New Zealand videos, that really has put a smile on my face and made my day.

  56. You brought a tear to my eye! You are such an awesome writer and I am so glad to share your online world! My brother and partner are gay and and have adopted their own SB and I am so proud.

  57. Fabulous post – you life and sexuality belong to you and no one else. My very good friend who is gay came out when he was 40 – i always knew but for a long time he was treated badly by our mutual work colleagues and even accused of breaking up my marriage. He gets tired fo people asking him if he is gay when they don’t ask me if i am straight !! I think things are changing – i have a some lovely friends with 2 beautiful kids at my daughters school. I don’t think anyone has batted an eyelid about the kids having 2 mummies- and neither should they ! our attitude to this is very victorian – homosexuality and bisexuality were common throughout history ( Alexander the Great , Richard the lionheart , the Spartan Empire etc). good luck Jack – you didn’t need to come out to keep me as a fan. Give your gorgeous boy a hug from me !

  58. Who and what you are is nowhere near as important as what you do…and you are doing it right Jack.

  59. well damn you Jack. I come on here for a recipe and I am in tears, again. You are an inspiring woman and mother. I have 3 children and all i hope for them is to be happy. The already understand they can love who they love and live how they live, I just hope they carry that through their lives. Full marriage equality cant be too far away, we are on that road here too and we live in hope.

  60. You go, um, girl! Another thought provoking, deeply honest post.

    God does NOT hate fags or anyone else come to that. But I can’t help thinking that he’ll have a few choice words for those who dress their prejudices up with religion when the time comes.

  61. Well said, Jack! I never suspected and I never wondered – mainly because it’s irrelevant to why I read your blog and it’s none of my business! As ever you take a pertinent issue and make sense of it with an amazing literary presence.

  62. I don’t normally comment, just loiter on the outskirts reading and enjoying the recipes, but this post is so worthy of a comment!! You are an inspiration to so many out there, gay, straight, male, female, rich, poor, parent or not-keep it up!! You should be so proud, and I hope that when SB boy grows up he’ll be proud of you also x

  63. Happy Pride Day! Very well written, you tell ‘m Jack. Love is Love and I believe there should be equality for all. I’m proud to live in a country that was the first to allow same sex marriages and it’s fantastic to see more countries are following (albeit very very slowly) and making marriage possible for everyone, no matter who you love.

  64. Happy Pride Day! Love is Love and I believe there should be equality for all. I’m proud to live in a country that was the first to allow same sex marriages and it’s fantastic to see more countries are following (albeit very very slowly) and making marriage possible for everyone, no matter who you love.

  65. Well Jack I would love to share this with you….. My wonderspouse and I will NOT be socialised by this country!!!! We took ourselves to Stonehenge and our very beautiful handmade rings and married ourselves by one of the amazing stones that MEAN something 🙂 getting hitched by loving someone costs nothing. And I mean nothing! Best wedding ever….

  66. Hey Jack, thanks for opening up and for that wonderful post. I hope you are heartened by the comments you’ve had today. If anyone stops reading your blog then frankly they are fools x

  67. Straight Pride? I’ve always said discrimination against gay marriage is totally unfair- why should only straight people get to be life-long miserable?!

    Marriage definition has changed for everyone over the years whether people recognise it or not: it’s not simply about joining together property or powerful families for one thing. And ‘biblical marriage’? Have people not read this book?

    But it wouldn’t matter what you do Jack. I’m a middle-aged straight woman who has chosen to be single and celibate for years now- and I am constantly criticised for not looking for another husband…

    One of the most moving moments in any Parliament has to be this, reported by Bosco Peters in NZ:


    Would that the Church of England had passed women bishops in such a beautiful way, with a traditional British hymn or song…

    Equality, frankly it’s there whether people recognise it or not.

  68. Wonderfully put. I’m privileged to be able to read you Jack, glad you’re writing, glad you’re writing about this, and food, and poverty.

  69. Enjoyed reading this Jack as I generally do – you are a fantastic writer (and this coming from one normally circumspect in heaping accolades). It is sad that we still live in a society that judges according to one’s sexual preferences rather than on content of character (to also misquote Martin Luther King). Keep up the good work (advocating on behalf of the poor and sharing amazing economical food recipes to name but two)! You clearly have a formidable fan base but don’t let it go to your head (joking)!

  70. I’ve been a lurker for a while but I have to comment on this post as I really can relate to everything you’ve said. You are an inspiration, keep up the good work!

  71. I really enjoy reading your blog and I think this post is just brilliant. Very honest and very ‘you’, in the sense of how you present your blog and your commentary. I think it is ridiculous that gay people still have to deal with so many issues of acceptance in society and hopefully things will continue to change as they have done. Thanks for sharing.

  72. Beautifully written, Jack, and inspiring. As a straight woman with a short, often boyish haircut and often a very tomboyish appearance, I have more than a few times been ‘accused’ of being gay. It makes me angry that people a) make such assumptions based on what I look like and b) that it is said to me as an insult. Hasn’t happened for a long time, but when it does those people get pretty short shrift from me.

    Happy Pride! New York was a sea of rainbows and glitter yesterday, and it was utterly wonderful.

  73. Many years ago I did some work for Stonewall and it got me wondering where all the lesbians were hiding (apart from those at their offices, obviously). This was pre-Ellen days and I was beginning to wonder if Queen Victoria was right all along. I knew plenty if gay men, but no gay women.

    I could only assume that if it was tough being a straight woman in a man’s world, then sharing that you were gay must be unimaginable.

    I think people are like high streets: there should be a lot more diversity. It’s what makes life interesting. (In a very good way).

    Glad you’re out. Again.

  74. Fabulous. The world needs more people like you: those who are bravely explaining to the world that no, gay people STILL have to endure a load of prejudice and battle hatred around every corner. I take my hat off to you.

  75. Huzzah. Bloody well said. I’m not gay but have had to deal with some of the crap you mentioned as backlash because my mum is (did you know I could maybe even catch ‘the gays’ because I came out of her fanny? lol)

    Keep on rocking!

  76. oh geez. some of the comments on the Huffington Post reblog of this are truly horrifying. Esp the one which attacks as if they have only read the title, but insist they have read the whole article. these kinds of people should not be allowed internet connections. Sometimes i wish it was 1998 and could only use the internet for 30mins on Southend Libraries computers and i just looked at photos of the Backstreet Boys – not the bigotted, quite simply DUMB comments about news stories etc etc.

    i remember when i was a tiny kid saying, in response to Mothers day and fathers day “why is there no ‘childrens day’ – as expected the reply was EVERY DAY IS CHILDRENS DAY.

    I’m off to go look at photos of the Backstreet boys….

  77. congrats on your coming out to us,who only know you in the blogasphere…fantastic blog,and a fantastic person…you go girl!!

  78. A brilliant post, and it should not lose you any readers now that you’ve ‘strolled unceremoniously out of your closet’, in fact you are proving yourself to be such a brilliant, all rounder of a person, this has probably gained you lots more 🙂

  79. 🙂 Have to be yaself and let others worry about if it’s good enough etc or not we got more important things to think about like I said once before This is it!!!!! Not being ya true self cause of what ” others might think”? It’s like a slow death ….. Now whats everyone having for dinner tonight 🙂 x

  80. Fantastic post & you haven’t lost any fans here.

    Keep strong & rise above the ignorant idiots who sent nasty emails or comments.

    You’re worth far more than that!

    I have a close family friend who is gay & I call her my ‘Step Mum’ as anything else confuses the hell out of people. She’s a very active grandparent to my daughter who has grown up accepting SMs’ sexuality as normal – as it should be.

  81. The gay pride movement should now move on. For gay men and women to be free and equal, A move towards the ‘norm’ is required. the stonewall campaign is ‘strangely’ the biggest barrier to this. Yes! some people are gay, and yes! many people have ‘got over it’. some minds can never be changed. Parliament have legislated, society (majority) have changed, people have moved on.

    ‘Stop being the victim and start being the individual’ in this day and age the school you attended can be the bigger prejudicial barrier in employment then to being gay (there is legislation to prevent gay discrimination). Being straight and single for long periods of time can be just as daunting ‘socially’ as being gay.

  82. Go girl! Another truly inspirational post from an inspirational woman and mother. Living and working in Brighton, I’ve seen my gay friends suffer all sorts of crap over the years. The sooner that no-one gives a toss about sexual orientation, the world will be a better place. Big hugs and respect to you.

  83. You go girl. I am bi and yes I am married. But I am happy with my choice in life. I decided not to make a mistake and followed my heart. My parents don’t understand. I am now 38. Society has changed a lot since the 60’s, why can’t it be accepted. I will never understand
    I ride a motorbike and I am me. Hugs all round

    P.S. I used to have a buzz cut and i got chatted up by a lecturer! She wasn’t my type lol

  84. Fantastic article, we loved reading it and agree “man should be judged on his character~not his choice of love” and to reiterate what my dad used to say: when you judge others it shows your own character! You have gained a new fan and i cant wait to read more of your blog xxx

  85. Damn – I guess that means there’s no chance of blagging a date when I get back to the UK in a couple of months time? 😛

    On a more serious note: I realise sexuality is at a slightly different level to being an atheist (unless your best friends are hardcore young-earth creationists like some of mine are), a vegan or any of the half-dozen or so minorities I find myself in (half of my time I’m an immigrant in a country where I don’t know anybody and can’t speak the language), but I’m sure the best coping mechanism is the same: to simply not give a monkey’s what people think. I take the view that I am who I am and I have the convictions I have. I don’t shove them in people’s faces but I don’t apologise for it either. And like I said, I really couldn’t care less what people think (if they think at all that is). Once you get in to that mindset life gets so much easier – even if you’re not in a minority.

    • i think choosing to not care what people think of you is a fine way to live and a philosphy to aspire to, but sometimes, as is the case with gay rights, you can not care what other people think as much as you like, but if you are denied certain rights because of who you are, then you have to speak up and do something about it. An example close to my heart is the repeal of DOMA in the United States – my girlfriend is american, we could have got married in a couple of states e.g. Mass, but because DOMA denied equal federal rights for those gay marriages, she was not able to sponsor me for a green card as with a straight couple (as well as over 1000 other federal benefits)

      i cope just fine with people being bigotted about my sexual preference, & im very lucky not to have experienced serious predijice against me but when my civil rights are denied because of it, thats when it becomes a problem, unfort :-/

      and with your example of young earth creationists – those people might go on to be policitians and use their beliefs to deny the rights of women to have abortions taking away the right to choose (see again America, Wendy Davis etc, they may also be in charge of laws which meant its still perfectly legal to fire someone because of their sexual preference (see again america…. i always refer back simply because everything is just so extreme there!)

  86. Hi Jack – I love this text. I’m straight but I’ve heard this question and can’t believe the offense it must be for gay people. Anyway, I just spent a little time translating it to French, but I’d like to know if it’d be ok with you if I posted the translation to my blog ? Would you like somebody to proof read it before ?
    Please feel very free to say no, it’s just a proposition. There are so many people here that should be reading this…

    Take care,

  87. Just one problem with this, and it’s very minor one but still worth addressing in my opinion:

    “Straight Pride means being able to live your life without fear of bullying, harrassment, and rejection.”

    Homosexuality is not the only reason or even the biggest reason why people are bullied, harassed, or rejected. Sometimes there’s even no reason at all other than the bully needing a target for whatever reason and then picking you. This comes from a straight and relatively normal (as far as one can be normal) guy who’s been bullied and harassed for pretty much all his life.

    Other than that, great article

    • Aleph. I too was on the receiving end of bullying in a tough school even though I am not gay or particularly a weak guy but I was bullied and it still makes me angry to this day. I think all prejudice manifested, be it racism, class prejudice, sexism (both ways), anti gay, anti religion, anti anything at all in fact is a form of bullying in some way. And the reality is, anyone can be like this, but there are obviously degrees too. Some people are hostile, and they target those that are different not necessarily because they have a real issue with this or that group, but because on some levels intolerance to minorities of any kind, is tolerated. The EDL to me are not particularly political, they are just looking for a ruck for the most part. The only exception I can make is that whereas most prejudice is aimed at some sort of minority, class prejudice tends to be some Middle class and Upper class people looking down on Working class people who are in the majority; this to some degree is also tolerated and I do often wonder why. As Martin Luther King said “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” All these prejudices affect most of us, and if we want others to respect us we have to respect them.

    • One person being bullied for being gay is one too many. And you might think that being gay is not the main reason to be bullied but every gay person i know has being bullied or harassed at one point or another, so why are you trying to diminish its importance. ? Because other people get discriminated or harassed as well? This was a post about gay pride day.

      On discrimination: yes, there is always a reason. The reason is being different to the norm, which my default is male , white, healthy and employed (without children) . Variations to that default norm are accepted depending of a. Context and complience with society rules b. how “tolerant” a particular group/ society is.

      • I did say it’s a minor issue in this post for a reason, and I definitely don’t think it’s okay that gay people get bullied for any reason.
        I don’t actually know enough gay people to say much about them getting bullied, but out of the 3 I know well enough that they would tell me about stuff like that, 2 experienced some bullying when they were at school all the way through high school and college.

        Anyway, maybe my wording was bad and maybe I didn’t think it through well enough. It is entirely possible and even likely that gay people get bullied more than straight people (relatively speaking). My problem was more with how it was worded, which made it sound like being straight would automatically mean you won’t get bullied, when in reality it just takes away one possible reason.
        Of course if education about equality takes away that reason, it’s great, especially if it also means people won’t get bullied as much in general (instead of the bullies just seeking a different target and thus keeping the total amount of bullying the same)

        I must admit though that I’m not quite sure how I would’ve put it. It’d be easy to just leave that part out but people getting bullied simply because they’re gay is an issue worth talking about.
        But just as I shouldn’t diminish the importance of being gay as a reason for bullying, I don’t think it’s right to diminish the importance of other reasons either, even if it’s a post about gay pride, especially when it was generalized to “be gay and you get bullied, be straight and you won’t”

  88. Wonderful article, couldn’t agree more.

    Straight-pride is also not having to worry about stones coming through your window the night after people at school find out who you kiss (my friend suffered this only 15 years ago – dreadful times).

    Love the NZ parliament clips – lovely, tear-jerking, emotional scenes.

    I was shocked when I saw the title of this article as I was reading through – I thought ‘Jack’s always seemed so level-headed; she can’t be serious?!?’ Thankfully you weren’t! Am glad to be able to continue reading!

    Whenever I leave the diversity section of surveys at work blank I leave a note at the end: ‘Haven’t filled in the section about race, religion, sexuality and disability as it’s as relevant to my role as the colour of my front door.’

    Best wishes

  89. I think if we collected all those pounds we’d be able to fill a bank Jack. Since I’m part of the LGBTQA community too I can only agree with all of what you’ve said and in fact I’ve experienced similar. But hopefully, one day people will change and maybe one day the only thing that will ever be judged against is bigotry and nothing else.

    Our pride was born out of a need to celebrate not being PERSECUTED for who we are, so straight people should be glad they don’t need a pride at all.

  90. When people just respect and tolerate others, regardless of gender, colour of skin, ethnicity, social class, employment status, nationality, language, beliefs or lack thereof and so on and son, we will have a better, more peaceful and infinitely less complicated world. In truth, probably most people have prejudices of one kind or another; some of us come to terms with them and see them for what they are and have the courage to change, other people don’t. Then sometimes a prejudiced person is on the receiving end of prejudice themselves, and they might learn a lesson, or just become more prejudiced themselves. I hate to say this, but England and the US especially are countries that on the surface promote fairness, democracy and a ready kind of equality and yet we know the reality is that both countries are riven with all kinds of prejudices and the injustices, unfairness and inequalities that come out of those often unchallenged prejudices. In challenging someone else on their prejudice, we would all do well to take a look at ourselves too. I may add that social mobility in both the Britain and the US is now some of the lowest in the developed world. Is there any correlation with that and the bigotry that emanates from both countries in so many ways?

    If you want people to respect you, in the end you have to respect others; you cannot demand respect whilst being cavalier about other people and their rights, because we’ve all got rights, haven’t we?

    Respect and toleration is not necessarily agreeing with someone else’s beliefs or lifestyle, it is accepting that each person should have the right to live as they wish, provided their lifestyle or actions do not harm someone else’s right to live peacefully. Your sexuality is your own concern Jack, just keep being true to yourself and to your readers.

  91. Well said Jack!
    Doubt you’ll loose any fans for being gay. People love you for your amazing recipes and tireless campaigning. Plus a few of us in ‘the know’ had guessed…..but then we wouldn’t care anyway 😉

    Also it’s not as if people check the sexuality of the chef before making the recipes – otherwise Nigel Slater and Allegra Mcevedy wouldn’t be in business and their lovely food would be lost!

  92. “Straight Pride is being able to walk down the street holding hands with your other half without being catcalled by groups of teenage boys hanging around on a street corner. Straight Pride is being able to walk into a club or a bar without someone threatening you, without men putting protective arms around the women they are with and glaring at you… Straight Pride is where strangers don’t ask you whether you’re ‘straight’ – because your sex life isn’t their business… Straight Pride is being able to say ‘no’ to a man without being told ‘I could turn you’ – as though your sexuality is completely malleable, silly you, for thinking that you couldn’t change it. Straight Pride means being able to live your life without fear of bullying, harrassment, and rejection. Straight Pride is not having to come out to friends, family, colleagues and strangers, over and over again. Straight Pride is not having to lie through your teeth about your love life because it’s easier than telling the truth.”

    I’m amazed to discover that so many of my formative experiences as a young straight man never happened after all. Wow.

  93. Too pretty to be a lesbian. Or is it too clever to be straight.
    ha, 🙂 if they only knew.

    # Bless you Billy-o! Don’t morn too long.

  94. Thank you for writing tis post. I was asked several times why gays need a pride and straight people don’t. I’ll address them to this post, for now on, because you managed to write in a simple and clear manner what I’m thinking and what I’m feeling when ignorant people know-it-all are asking stupid questions.

    I have a girlfriend now, I’m happy like never before, and yet I’m not accepted by my family to the point that I need to leave home. It’s hurtful and it’s heartbreaking and I wish things are different, but there isn’t a lot we can do to change people’s mind. Sure, we can try, trying to convince them that liking people of the same sex isn’t something disgusting or something we should be ashamed of, but convinctions and bigotry are hard to kill.

    I take this chance to compliment you for your blog. I read it fro time to time (I don’t have a stable internet connection) and we crossed our paths last year, before I knew who you are. I’d most certainly try to meet you, otherwise, but now I’m in another state.

    I wish you all the best. Thank you for ‘coming out’ to yout fans. We’ll support you no matter what. For my part, I respect you even more.

  95. Sometimes the world is just embarrassing. I’m really sorry for all the negative experiences you’ve had…I hope there are much better ones ahead. Not to sound indifferent about your “coming out” but for so many people including myself, it just doesn’t matter at all! But it’s just lovely to hear that you’ve found love. Good luck for the future with all your endeavours!

  96. Jack. I’m more of a lurker than a commenter, but I’m going through old posts because I only started following recently, so I’d thought I’d better backtrack.
    Your post made me get a lump in my throat.
    As a straight Catholic woman, I apologise for the conservative idiots who don’t realise their hypocrisy.
    Cheers, and keep up the good work.
    At least you can get married now, hey! (Unlike here in Aus, if Abbott gets his way…)

  97. This is nice and all but I thought pride was about loving yourself, not living without discrimination. That’s why I want people to have straight, gay, bi, ace etc. pride – because I want people to love themselves. When someone says you can’t have straight pride, I feel like they’re saying you’re not allowed to love yourself.

    • What exactly do straight people have to be proud of ? I mean, being straight is NEVER source of ANY kind of discrimination. Saying you’re straight will NEVER make society look at you differently. In this context, “pride” has little to do with self-love, it’s a public act of saying “I’m here, I’m queer, I’m not changing who I am to make you feel better, and I’m not sorry about it.”
      No one is saying straight people have no right to love themselves, or be happy about being straight. They should be happy, actually, given that “straight” is the easiest sexual orientation you can actually get. 😉

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