I gave up my smartphone for a Nokia 3310 and radically changed my life.

Three weeks ago, I was sitting in the cinema with my girlfriend, waiting for the half-hour of advertorials to roll on. With the brightness on my screen turned down so as not to distract other cinemagoers from the beer commercial, I opened my WordPress account on my mobile phone to check if any of my readers had tried my new ‘moonshine mash’ recipe yet. The words “HAVE THE BITCH RAPED TO DEATH” screamed out at me from my screen. I turned it over so my other half didn’t see it, and quietly went to the bathroom. “FILTHY RETARDED NIGGER...

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